“ romancing yourself is possible, narcissistic, and recommended. ” “ it’s unwise to temper creatures of flesh and bone like steel. ” “ one bad apple ruins the bunch. ” “ two bad apples leave no witnesses. ” “ you know it’s the real deal when you can see past the meatsuit. ” “ break your teeth on love. ” “ when it’s good it’s great, when it’s great it’s a small calamity. ” “ you are every mother’s cautionary tale. ” “ harpoons, while more effect than arrows, are not as wieldy. ” “ make up your fucking mind. ” “ there are plenty of fish in the sea. ” “ some just happen to be imbibed with mercury. ” “ lay them to rest. ” “ you will watch the skies. you will wait. ” “ eat the other. ” “ there will be scrapes and sutures. ” “ no loose ends. ” “ an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a knife for the ribs. ” “ you will not be swayed by the morally destitute. ” “ decay will feed the bloom. ” “ devour death like crows, for all the feathers between your teeth. ” “ once, answers were found in mouths, bathtubs, and bottles. ” “ this time around, get inventive. ” “ accept your impending expiration. ” “ stop trying to swallow the sun. ” “ there are forces outside your control. ” “ most of them don’t care for you. ” “ many would not find you very appetizing. ” “ not all things have significance. ” “ like all delicate things, they can know no permanence. ” “ ‘just’ and ‘right’ only mean the same thing when they’re coming from very specific people. ” “ please don’t cry. ” “ you may not want to change, but the world is unforgiving and will do it for you anyway. ” “ sometimes we put our hearts in the wrong places. ” “ nothing can stay. ” “ dying is dying and rot is rot. ” “ loneliness is the fracture that never heals quite right. ” “ there is poetry in brutal efficiency. ” “ people would take your raging far more seriously if you weren’t crying the entire time. ” “ what made you so vindictive? ” “ all are ruins at your feet. ” “ you are notorious for rubbing salt in the wound. ” “ vehicular arson is not the answer. ” “ hate is a verb. ” “ holy fucking shit. just. holy shit. what the fuck. ” “ nobody really knows the nuances of what you get up to in your spare time. ” “ honestly they’re probably better off that way. ” “ busy yourself with the affairs of the living, for once. ” “ the answer is no. ” “ ohhh boy. you. fuck you. yes, you specifically. ” “ delete your search history. ” “ please practice blinking. ” “ others can be unsettled by your inhuman ability to maintain an unbreakable stare during casual conversation. ” “ what did you ever do to deserve this? ” “ in all probability, something terrible. ” “ you are a crayon, get out of the toolbox. ” “ none will love the butcher. ” “ don’t take it too personally. ” “ wash the memories from your mind and body. ”
that was…something she’d have to unpack later. but…that made her memory make more sense. the way her sons had screamed, the heartbroken way her husband had looked at her, had begged her not to leave him…
❝ you killed me in front of my family, ❞ roxie said dully, before those words ignited a fire inside of her. she jumped to her feet and spun around, voice full of fury as she screamed, ❝ you KILLED me in front of my FAMILY! ❞
hot, angry tears ran down her cheeks and thunder crashed in the distance, as if the planet itself was raging alongside roxie. another thing clicked -’they were your family and by extension my own’- she and vivi had been friends.
❝ you were my FRIEND? you were my friend and you KILLED ME? in front of my FAMILY? ❞ roxie was sobbing now. everything was a mess- vivi was her mother, and she loved her, but vivi had also betrayed her and killed her in front of her family. which set of memories mattered? which vivi was real- the mother or the killer?
❝ WHY? what did i DO to DESERVE that, vivi? ❞
and then, finally a third thing clicked into place. roxie’s anger was replaced by fear, and she took several stumbling steps backward.
❝ what now? are you going to try to KILL me again? ❞
♛ vivi stood silent from where she stood at the front door, holding her arm tight. nails dug in some as she quietly kicked herself for having done this. she knew, afterwards, what she had done was horrid, abhorrent && wished she could take it all back.
she took her trust && used the bond they had to break cassandra down && murder her in front of a family she built. she tore years of love of her friend apart just due to questions that clung to her soul at night.
she breathed in sharp, looking down as she hid her face in her hand —– she didn’t know what to say, if anything could be said to alleviate the situation ; it was likely nothing could ever be fixed again.
she had her friend practically reincarnated into the child she so loved && adopted. this .. just made everything ever more complicated.
❝ you .. you didn’t deserve it, it .. my father made things so confusing .. i didn’t know what to do —— what to choose but i chose wrong. i should have chosen you over the last member of family that meant little to me when a friendship .. mattered most. ❞ she muttered, dragging her hand down her face.
eyes widened as roxie spoke up again, shaking her head.
❝ my darling no .. never again no, i will never harm you again .. its fine ..
❞
❝ i’ll stay in the rain as long as i damn well please, you MURDERER! ❞ roxie spat out, turning her head to glare at vivi out of the corner over her eye.
❝ who were those other people? when you killed me, there were other people- not capellans…one of them was furry. the others were green. who were they? ❞ roxie demanded. they’d been screaming in her dream, and the furry one had cradled her as she died.
♛ she held her tongue ; having been roxie’s mother for years past made it almost automatic to respond in a motherly manner. to tell her that she was being RUDE && to watch herself but .. she knew that she had no reason to tell her to keep herself kind, she had no standing to do anything right now. cassandra was right.
she did murder her. she tore a family apart in retaliation for her own being torn to shreds years ago, she’d .. she’d listened to her father’s hatred && didn’t think. she tore apart YEARS upon YEARS of friendship to simply murder her in front of her family to only regret it. she’d tried to atone for her past actions && mistakes ——- cassandra had shown her that there had been more to life than pain && anger but .. the one that didn’t give her much care won out in the end.
she’d chosen wrong.
she’d ended up a monster with a child. a child who ended up being her old friend && now everything had shattered again. just like everything else seemed to do && now she was locking emotions away to keep them hidden.
❝ do as you will, my love .. however those people were of earth. they were your family && by extension, my own. they had given you && i so much —– the ones who were green were the sons you had adopted, their names being michelangelo, donatello, raphael && leonardo .. && the one who was furry was .. ❞ she trailed off, swallowing hard.
memories of their distraught noises, their SCREAMS of fear, panic && agony ran through her head in a barrage && she felt sick.
she’d done this to them && it had been years since it had all happened. who knew where they were now. if they even still lived ——- if splinter had managed to continue on without the woman he had fallen in love with.
the woman who’d saved his soul.
❝ he was your husband. his name was .. his name was splinter. ❞
♛ ❝ rox —- cassandra are you going to stay
IN THE RAIN
forever mad at me or you coming back inside .. ❞ she muttered, rubbing her face as she stood just out in the threshold.
