crap my best friends’ siblings say starters

worldsavcr:

because you can never have enough of the siblings.

THE SIBLINGS

• “I feel like I ate for twenty years.”
  
• “I’m a woman. Woman needs purse.”
  
• “Debate club is gonna be lit this year.”
  
• “I know, you’re just like me. Embrace it. I’m a pretty awesome person.”
  
• “On the count of three, everybody levitate.”
  
• “Remember when I thought there was a dancing lobster in Grease?”
  
• “There’s no way to run into the ocean looking sexy.”
  
• “Let’s see how far out we can go until we die.”
  
• “Let’s take the subway to Hawaii.”
  
• “But it’s funnier to say drown-ded.”
  
• “It’s time for Mondays to go away.”
  
• “I’m gonna open a zoo but it’s just gonna be a bunch of geckos.”
  
• “Sometimes I feel like my teeth are weird.”
  
• “I may pee when Wonder Woman comes on.”
  
• “I just farted and burped at the same time.”
  
• “I don’t remember anybody’s name, you’re lucky I remember yours.”
  
• “You’re the reason I drink my life away.”
  
• “All this generation is is Cheetos and phones.”
  
• “Dunkel your uncle.”
  
• “You don’t want that cake, someone touched it. It was Jimmy, the guy who touches all the cakes.”
  
• “Am I Cuban?”
  
• “I’m sorry I’m not a ninja!”
  
• “Rocky’s on drugs.”
  
• “All my friends are blonde.”
  
• “Peace, love, Jesus fish tambourine.”
  
• “Too bad Mom threw it in the TRASH.”
  
• “Wow, Adam Lambert, I hope nobody here has epilepsy.”
  
• “I heard she doesn’t have enough money to go to school so she works for Santa.”
  
• “If a boy likes you, he should tell you, not go around saying he likes you to all of his friends.”
  
• “Ariana Grande reminds me of a cat.”
  
• “Learn?! Learn what? I’m eleven!”
  
• “The worst part about getting candy is finishing it.”
  
• “I’m so full I feel like crying.”
  
• “Whenever I think of Kelly Clarkson, I think of that album cover of her, like, caressing her foot or something?”
  
• “I hope I booty-bump you into a knife.”
  
• “Screw you, AIDS.”
  
• “Freaking flying mayonnaise cows.”
  
• “Do little boys, like, swordfight with their P?”
  
• “I got his number, so we’re getting married.”
  
• “I really want eight legs and a child.”
  
• “So you’re gonna kidnap a child and beat it with eight severed legs?”
  
• “My flesh is like a pineapple.”
  
• “If you have any butt sweat, don’t sit there.”
  
• “Great, now I feel salad.”
  
• “Genocide is bad, but I guess homicide is okay.”
  
• “Oh, snapadoodle.”
  
• “Oh my god, how can you not like Mickey Mouse?? Are you a communist?”
  

BONUS: THE PARENTS

• “You only live one time. You know, like they say, YOLOT.”
  
• “Don’t stand around on your phone or else I’m gonna get pissed and fart on you.”
  
• ”Hammy it.”
  
• “Hi, I’m dollar bill.”
  
• “I’m the chief hockenduke reincarnate.”
  
• “If we’re running, don’t point me in the direction you’re going. I will follow you and it will make me 1.1 miles away from home.”
  
• “Yes I did, stop crying.”
  
• “Put the cereal in the dishwasher.”
  
• “This pie is on the fleek.”
  
• “Last night, I declared myself the king of forever.”
  
• “Their buttholes are fantastic.”
  
• “I hate when people eat their scabs. They need to go to scabhab.”
  
• “Don’t punch the baby.”
  
• “Listen to my words: no.”
  
• “Not sure what this is. Could be meat, could be insect. Meatsect.”
  
• “I’m gonna fight Pam.”
  
• “Not all men smell bad, have bad fashion sense, and sweat too much. Just the straight ones.”
  
• “Put your hands on my jeans with your teenage hands.”